I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
