I'm passing your future prison.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
