I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
