You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
