Your face is a jimmy john
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
