question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
