Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
two words: eviction party
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
