I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
