According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
