you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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