oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The beer is more important than you right now.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
