i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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