so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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