Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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