I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
