do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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