you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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