Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize