Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
