Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
