Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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