I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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