new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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