I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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