Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
