Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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