the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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