Ketchup is God's man juice
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
