Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize