I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
