I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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