So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
