If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Randomize
