note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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