marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
