i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
