So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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