I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
