Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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