Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
