made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
