how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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