my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think I sprained my soul last night
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
