I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
