Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize