My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
