Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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