I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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