After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i need some magic done to my vagina
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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