dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
