so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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