Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
