You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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