there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
