It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
