peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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