Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
