genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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