I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
