Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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