at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
