Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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