so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
