You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
