are you still at the devil's house?
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
