Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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