eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
