Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
