I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
