we made out on top of his cat.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
