I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
