my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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