He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
