who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
