Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
