Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
