So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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