do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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