that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
