So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
