one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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