Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize