No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
