I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He felt like a one man threesome
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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