walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
