I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
