Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize