Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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