May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
