Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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