when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Randomize
