Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
