sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
