god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
