"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
