Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
