Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
