Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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