So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
