so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
