Got a toothbrush?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
