I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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