Got a toothbrush?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
