What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize